Trusting the Process

When Dave and I discovered the Affair Recovery website in 2019, we felt enormous relief that there were people in the world, ‘just like us’. People sitting on both sides of the infidelity fence, ones who wanted and managed to salvage their marriage and also ones who didn’t. We found a well of resources drawnContinue reading “Trusting the Process”

Pain and Suffering

Who in their right mind wants to put their hand up for this! We live in a fallen world, unfortunately pain and suffering is an inevitable part of this broken humanity. Last month Pastor Lach interviewed Dave and I as part of a wider series on pain and suffering; there is pain and suffering whichContinue reading “Pain and Suffering”

Real Time Recovery pt 2

I honestly wasn’t anticipating the fallout of asking Noni whether something was bothering her after grocery shopping. Sure she was quiet but I still didn’t think it had anything to do with me, I really wasn’t expecting it. Only when she queried what was going on back at the store did I realise that myContinue reading “Real Time Recovery pt 2”

The Infidelity Car Crash; The Carnage of Infidelity

*Content warning; this is a creative writing piece describing how the first 18 months of recovery felt for me, I’ve used some strong imagery that may be an emotional trigger for others who are on a similar journey. Please proceed with caution. You’re cruising down a long straight stretch of country road in this carContinue reading “The Infidelity Car Crash; The Carnage of Infidelity”

The Art of Conflict

Dr John Gottman of the Gottman Relationship Institute identifies the greatest predictors of divorce as, “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. These horsemen are, criticism and contempt defensiveness and stonewalling. Dave and I hit an area of conflict last night and all I will say is that the four horsemen were well and truly goingContinue reading “The Art of Conflict”

What The?

For those with no experience in addiction, infidelity or abusive relationships our story will be unrelatable and perhaps shocking. You might ask what on earth would make someone stay in a relationship like that? And if you have walked away from a similar situation, you’ll likely wonder the same. To you it may be weaknessContinue reading “What The?”

No Excuses

Understanding infidelity is crucial to recovery but beware of justifying your actions As I continue to uncover and understand some of the flawed thinking, falsehoods and habits that enabled my choices to deceive, there is a line between understanding and justification that is easy to cross  Understanding helps me be completely accountable for past behavioursContinue reading “No Excuses”

Nail that shame to the cross!

Guilt and shame are two very different feelings. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad” shame says, “I AM BAD!” Guilt propels you to rectify your wrongdoing, shame keeps you trapped in a negative cycle of self loathing, self soothing, self focus, self, self, self. Shame is all about YOU but not in a healthy way…Continue reading “Nail that shame to the cross!”

“It was a mistake…”

No it wasn’t!  A mistake is filling your car with petrol instead of diesel. That’s a mistake… The unfaithful partner made a choice or series of choices which led them to the point of betrayal. Don’t confuse the two and PLEASE don’t believe anyone who tries to tells you otherwise. So, when you hear theContinue reading ““It was a mistake…””

D Day

Wow, which one?  There’s been plenty of discovery over the years but only one full disclosure. That came twenty eight years after the first discovery. I’ve not met many people who get the whole truth in one go.  More commonly the truth is trickled out over time which is repeatedly devastating and only prolongs theContinue reading “D Day”

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