Don’t you love it when you’re asked what part you played in your partner cheating on you? Like what did you do or didn’t do to make them act out 🤷♀️
Ummmm oh gosh let me see…
I was and am faithful, trustworthy, loyal, committed, loving, kind, compassionate, playful, caring, adventurous, I’m a great cook, I’m engaging, assertive, sexual, honest, trusting, secure, social, intuitive, humorous, authentic, intelligent, resourceful, interesting, capable, generous and I could go on.
Was I perfect? Absolutely not–I was and am perfectly imperfect–I also own my shortcomings and am fully responsible for them.
There is nothing that a betrayed partner does to cause the unfaithful to choose the path of being unfaithful. No, we don’t have any special super powers to make them betray us, they do that all off their own bat. It’s their choice, if there’s deficits within the primary relationship (show me one where there’s not…) they had other options. Options such as therapy, getting in touch with feelings and expressing them safely, being aware of ones emotional state, have healthy boundaries, learn how to sit with discomfort, self soothe and regulate, choosing vulnerability, even separation, heaven forbid try communicating and expressing needs or desires and I could continue. 😵💫 Yes there are plenty of other choices.
So next time any therapist, clergy, friend or family tries to lay any blame on you for your contribution to the infidelity remind yourself, you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it!
Bad marriages don’t cause affairs however affairs and other forms of infidelity and abuse do cause bad marriages…
The End
Noni XXX