Unkept vows, broken trust, shattered dreams and a code of secrecy.
Is there hope beyond betrayal?
Married to his best friend for over twenty-five years, Dave has shown Noni more joy love laughter passion pleasure and good times than she’s ever known.
He’s also given her more frustration anger grief sorrow despair and pain than she ever thought possible. ‘Beyond Betrayal’ is their story – warts and all.
They’ve courageously shared how living inauthentically impacted their emotional relational spiritual and physical well-being, plus the unforeseen turnaround resurrecting their dead marriage. “It is ‘us,’ at our most vulnerable.”
Raw, authentic and with no excuses offered: Dave has bravely allowed access into his mind – the mind of an adulterer.
Lifting the lid on binding, blinding lies!
We are all created with purpose. A purpose far greater than finding the right job, partner, house, car etc.
That purpose is to find our true identity. To be in right relationship with God ourselves and others.
We know what it’s like to live bound by influences blinding us to the truth, we also know how liberating it is breaking free from these.
Our goal is to help others claim victory over the shame associated with infidelity. To bridge the gap between annihilation and recovery. and to help people discover their purpose.
Like most humans, Dave and I made our fair share of bad choices negatively impacting us individually, as well as hurting those we love. Most of the detrimental decisions based on a faulty belief system about ourselves, our image and identity. We were deceived and blind to the driving forces behind these decisions.
I had my big aha moment in 1990, Dave had his in 2019.
In those 28 years we battled narcissism, betrayal, addiction, financial ruin and disease.
We struggled until 2018, that’s when I said enough…
Enough, was the beginning of one revelation after another for Dave.
More layers than an onion and not until the last layer was peeled away could we begin to thrive. It takes a brave person to confront their reality.
Perfection is best reserved for nature.
We believe in progress not perfection…
Proud mother to three incredibly adorable young adults.
Noni’s life experience is as wide and varied as her employment history.
Her children joke that she has had more jobs than Homer Simpson, amusing themselves as author is now added to her extensive list.
Kiosk attendant, hairdresser, waitress, real estate, airlines guest services attendant, personal carer, resort activities coordinator, makeup artist, service sales assistant aged care amongst others.
The common denominator, people.
First and fore-most Noni is a people person, screens and technology an unnecessary evil, face to face watch her shine!
Noni believes that giving back is an important part of building strong communities.
Her volunteering roles at any time include; Church service manager, conference/event coordination, haircuts for homeless, Emceeing and facilitating various interest groups etc.
She is fearless in her desire to see people reach their full potential, to live their best lives.
A born encourager, empathetic, compassionate, a connector, Noni believes the best in others and strives to live a life without limits.
Currently in the pursuit of Diploma of Counselling, she facilitates support groups for men and women impacted by infidelity betrayal.
Living on the north coast of New South Wales with her husband Dave, their deaf French Bulldog Lilli and aloof rescue cat Ed, also known as Eddie, Buddy, Mr, Boi, Cedrick. A cat with many names and answers to none.
Dave and Noni’s youngest son, his rescue cat Brownie and her ex-partner also live with them… It’s weird but it works.
(And no, it’s definitely not polygamous)
Noni and David believe that “adversity is a terrible thing to waste” so “when life gives you lemons make lemonade”!
Both purposeful in helping others heal from affairs.
An avid surfer and fisherman, a true Piscean, the ocean is where David finds his solace. Preferring board shorts over boardrooms any day, his ultimate day/week/month/year; feet planted in sand and body immersed in saltwater.
During his late teens David developed a formative friendship with world renowned humanitarian Fred C Hollows. The friendship with Fred instilling strong determination in David to see others equipped for their own success and well-being.
David regards the care and concern for fellow humans a most valuable endeavour. He has enthusiastically volunteered time and expertise in the field of eye care to humanitarian projects in underdeveloped countries.
Other life experiences and lessons, although passing by seemingly unnoticed, became more influential than any mentor. Potent, powerful and commanding, with destructive outcomes.
At Fifty-Eight years of age, recovering from financial ruin and two bouts of cancer, his greatest fight was still ahead.
The battle to find his identity and recover family became a process of acquainting himself with an unseen enemy.
By sharing secrets and lies he vowed to take to the grave, David’s story is not just a warning but a message of hope for the families and men whose lives are crippled by the plague of shame and infidelity.
David considers it a privilege and a duty to mentor groups of men who have found their lives and families annihilated by their choices.
No one is beyond hope.
What People Say
Joy and I have had the pleasure of knowing Dave and Noni Yates for many years.
They have a great heart to help anyone seeking healing, through the example of their own inspiring journey of personal growth and spirituality. Both Dave and Noni have shown great personal integrity and compassion as they have worked through the complexities of their broken relationship.
It has been a tortuous journey involving courageous honesty. Love and hope have triumphed due to their humility, courage and trust in God’s unfailing love and grace.”Denis Perry
I was given Noni’s number from a mutual friend as someone to talk to regarding my husbands infidelity. They thought it would be a good to talk to someone who had walked the walk and understood the excruciating pain of betrayal. The first time we spoke I was about 7 weeks out from another D day – I was a lost, broken mess, I don’t even think I was coherent amongst the tears (and many profanities) but she listened, she kept me talking she kept me focusing on moving ahead. What I found was a friend, I am forever grateful for the amazing encouragement, understanding and compassion Noni has shown toward me. Her transparency to talk about her story and determination to see hope in a hopeless situation is inspiring. She held me accountable for my actions which was hard and helped me through the mess, using the lessons she had learnt to “feel normal” again. I don’t think there is much that compares to the heartache and trauma that you go through when trying to navigate this journey. But I’m so glad I have Noni to help me.Christy
As friends of many years, we watched an avalanche of betrayal, pain and years of brokenness. Cycle upon cycle of despair had shredded the fabric of their beautiful family. Only a total miracle could save their broken marriage; we honestly believed it was beyond repair as Dave’s patterns were strong and so destructive.
But to Noni’s credit, she stood firm in her deep rooted faith and CHOSE to love Dave despite her feelings and misgivings. As cliche as this sounds, her choice to love turned this marriage around, and we saw a true miracle unfold.
What seemed irreparable was restored! And restored so beautiful and completely. Dave went through a brave and very painful transformation, that is true and inspiring to watch. Noni continued to love. Their family started to heal and more miracles continue to unfold.
We remain in awe of how the choice to love turned this marriage around! Miracles do still happen – with enormous work!Lorna & Mike
- The Art of ConflictDr John Gottman of the Gottman Relationship Institute identifies the greatest predictors of divorce as, “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. These horsemen are, criticism and contempt defensiveness and stonewalling. Dave and I hit an area of conflict last night and all I will say is that the four horsemen were well and truly goingContinue reading “The Art of Conflict”
- Secrets, Seduction, Silence, ShameSssshhh… grab yourself a cuppa and click away—there’s some good links in this one. Secrets Is it bad to keep secrets? What harm could possibly come? Dr John Gottman says “When you’re keeping secrets, you’re hurting your own ability to love”. Seduction Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul andContinue reading “Secrets, Seduction, Silence, Shame”
- What’s in an S?A couple of weeks ago, following my post Don’t Say a Word, we were going to explore some of the S’s in Ssshh. If you’re following our blog, you’ll recall that Dave had some important information he wanted to share, so today I’ll rewind and begin unpacking some of those ‘S‘ words that rattled aroundContinue reading “What’s in an S?”