But What About the AP?

Ahhhhh the affair partner, how many colourful names do we have for them? The dirty rotten pieces of work that they are—damn home-wreckers who set out to destroy our lives! Are they really? Here’s my theory, it may not be a popular one and at the risk of setting a cat amongst the pigeons, I’mContinue reading “But What About the AP?”

Secrets, Seduction, Silence, Shame

Sssshhh… grab yourself a cuppa and click away—there’s some good links in this one. Secrets Is it bad to keep secrets? What harm could possibly come? Dr John Gottman says “When you’re keeping secrets, you’re hurting your own ability to love”. Seduction Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul andContinue reading “Secrets, Seduction, Silence, Shame”

What’s in an S?

A couple of weeks ago, following my post Don’t Say a Word, we were going to explore some of the S’s in Ssshh.  If you’re following our blog, you’ll recall that Dave had some important information he wanted to share, so today I’ll rewind and begin unpacking some of those ‘S‘ words that rattled aroundContinue reading “What’s in an S?”

How Do I Get Out of This Place?

Where do unfaithful men and women turn for help when the world around them implodes? Men in particular don’t like asking for directions when we’re lost and believe it or not, betraying my wife is never a road I thought I’d end up on, so if we have no idea how we got here howContinue reading “How Do I Get Out of This Place?”

When is a D-day, not a D-day?

We had church in our home last Sunday, it was a small intimate gathering with people of deep faith. After everyone left, Dave and I put the furniture back in place and had a couple of hours before meeting friends for lunch. I told Dave I was going upstairs to lay down to read forContinue reading “When is a D-day, not a D-day?”

Don’t Say A Word

Why do people think that not talking about affairs and the abusive nature of behaviours surrounding them, will somehow make them magically disappear? The notion of “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” is infuriating. For me personally decades of secrets and deceit actually hurt more than the affairs themselves! Secrets will always be revealedContinue reading “Don’t Say A Word”

What The?

For those with no experience in addiction, infidelity or abusive relationships our story will be unrelatable and perhaps shocking. You might ask what on earth would make someone stay in a relationship like that? And if you have walked away from a similar situation, you’ll likely wonder the same. To you it may be weaknessContinue reading “What The?”

No Excuses

Understanding infidelity is crucial to recovery but beware of justifying your actions As I continue to uncover and understand some of the flawed thinking, falsehoods and habits that enabled my choices to deceive, there is a line between understanding and justification that is easy to cross  Understanding helps me be completely accountable for past behavioursContinue reading “No Excuses”

An unexpected trigger…

We’re 18 months out from a lifetime of deceit. Our marriage and relationship is very different now. We’ve both done a lot of work to get to this place, that doesn’t mean life is perfect. Last weekend was a perfect example of how imperfect we are. We caught up with my extended family for aContinue reading “An unexpected trigger…”

Nail that shame to the cross!

Guilt and shame are two very different feelings. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad” shame says, “I AM BAD!” Guilt propels you to rectify your wrongdoing, shame keeps you trapped in a negative cycle of self loathing, self soothing, self focus, self, self, self. Shame is all about YOU but not in a healthy way…Continue reading “Nail that shame to the cross!”

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