Where do unfaithful men and women turn for help when the world around them implodes? Men in particular don’t like asking for directions when we’re lost and believe it or not, betraying my wife is never a road I thought I’d end up on, so if we have no idea how we got here how… Continue reading How Do I Get Out of This Place?
Category: Affairs
When is a D-day, not a D-day?
We had church in our home last Sunday, it was a small intimate gathering with people of deep faith. After everyone left, Dave and I put the furniture back in place and had a couple of hours before meeting friends for lunch. I told Dave I was going upstairs to lay down to read for… Continue reading When is a D-day, not a D-day?
Don’t Say A Word
Why do people think that not talking about affairs and the abusive nature of behaviours surrounding them, will somehow make them magically disappear? The notion of “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” is infuriating. For me personally decades of secrets and deceit actually hurt more than the affairs themselves! Secrets will always be revealed… Continue reading Don’t Say A Word
What The?
For those with no experience in addiction, infidelity or abusive relationships our story will be unrelatable and perhaps shocking. You might ask what on earth would make someone stay in a relationship like that? And if you have walked away from a similar situation, you’ll likely wonder the same. To you it may be weakness… Continue reading What The?
No Excuses
Understanding infidelity is crucial to recovery but beware of justifying your actions As I continue to uncover and understand some of the flawed thinking, falsehoods and habits that enabled my choices to deceive, there is a line between understanding and justification that is easy to cross Understanding helps me be completely accountable for past behaviours… Continue reading No Excuses
An unexpected trigger…
We’re 18 months out from a lifetime of deceit. Our marriage and relationship is very different now. We’ve both done a lot of work to get to this place, that doesn’t mean life is perfect. Last weekend was a perfect example of how imperfect we are. We caught up with my extended family for a… Continue reading An unexpected trigger…
Nail that shame to the cross!
Guilt and shame are two very different feelings. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad” shame says, “I AM BAD!” Guilt propels you to rectify your wrongdoing, shame keeps you trapped in a negative cycle of self loathing, self soothing, self focus, self, self, self. Shame is all about YOU but not in a healthy way…… Continue reading Nail that shame to the cross!
“It was a mistake…”
No it wasn’t! A mistake is filling your car with petrol instead of diesel. That’s a mistake… The unfaithful partner made a choice or series of choices which led them to the point of betrayal. Don’t confuse the two and PLEASE don’t believe anyone who tries to tells you otherwise. So, when you hear the… Continue reading “It was a mistake…”
D Day
Wow, which one? There’s been plenty of discovery over the years but only one full disclosure. That came twenty eight years after the first discovery. I’ve not met many people who get the whole truth in one go. More commonly the truth is trickled out over time which is repeatedly devastating and only prolongs the… Continue reading D Day
The Journey Begins
Thanks for joining us! “When we recover loudly, we keep others from dying quietly” — Unknown “There’s a book in everyone” they say. Why did this have to be ‘our’ book? Seriously, why did this have to happen to me? Why did it have to happen to us? “Why not?” the wise person answered.