For those with no experience in addiction, infidelity or abusive relationships our story will be unrelatable and perhaps shocking. You might ask what on earth would make someone stay in a relationship like that? And if you have walked away from a similar situation, you’ll likely wonder the same. To you it may be weakness or absolute madness, our story may anger you. No relationship is all good or all bad. For many years Dave and I shared more good times than bad, even while so much was disguised and remained hidden. As the years progressed and behaviour worsened, the scales tipped the other way.
With the roots of an addiction we didn’t know existed left unaddressed, for better or for worse was no longer sustainable. Just shy of our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary I drew my own line in the sand and said enough. For those who unfortunately have lived this nightmare, it may sound all too familiar. You know what it’s like to be in a relationship that can be so incredibly good most of the time. You’ve lived the dance of addiction and the cycle of abuse. You get how hard it is sometimes to name these covert behaviours so cleverly disguised and distorted. Even when you do recognise them, they’re twisted and turned into something else by the perpetrator leaving you to question your own mind. You understand what it’s like to be manipulated in this way. You recognise the effort it takes to instil boundaries and uphold them. You know the work it takes and how hard it is to maintain your sense of self and you know what it’s like to go around the mountain again and again. Yes, our story is all too familiar. We wish it wasn’t. We wished it wasn’t a story we had to write either, but we want you to know that although it can feel like it, you’re not alone. We hope and pray that while you can relate to our story, you will also relate to our healing and experience healing in your own lives as well.
Meanwhile for others our story will pale in comparison.
We don’t compare stories or pain, we share hope for healing and recovery. Even though each situation is unique, we’ve learnt there are more similarities than differences.
If you’re here and our story is familiar, firstly please let us acknowledge, we are so sorry, we stand with you and support you wherever you are, whatever stage you are at in your journey. Whether your relationship has continued or ended, whether you are the betrayed or the unfaithful, we encourage you to keep going. Pursue healing and wholeness for yourself.
You’ll receive no judgement from us.