An unexpected trigger…

We’re 18 months out from a lifetime of deceit. Our marriage and relationship is very different now. We’ve both done a lot of work to get to this place, that doesn’t mean life is perfect.

Last weekend was a perfect example of how imperfect we are. We caught up with my extended family for a Christmas celebration, renting a gorgeous airBnB in a stunning hinterland location. All was good.

After dinner on night one I sat and played “go fish” with my mother, daughter and niece. Innocent harmless fun. Dave wandered over, stood behind me for a while observing the game and had a clear view of mine and my nieces cards. Not a problem until he walked away leaning down whispering something into my nieces ear. (Niece is only 12, so there’s absolutely no suggestion of anything remotely affair related)

My gorgeous niece looked up at me giggling and the next two hands asked me confidently for the cards I held. I’m not competitive by nature and I chuckled as I handed her my cards.

My blood began to boil though as I thought about what Dave whispered to her.

This is what went through my mind; cheater! He took something he knew about me and used it against me; whispering in someone’s ear when in a room full of company is rude and immature; the only reason anyone whispers is because they don’t want others to hear what they’re saying, secrets; if he could do this in the small things he could do it in big things; yadda yadda yadda… Dearly betrayed, you know how our brains kick in.

I made sure to address his actions and let him know how I felt once we went back to our room, unfortunately he defended the prank strenuously, after all it was just a game and he was having fun…

Not sure what my heart rate got up to but it probably hit peak flooding level.

It took us 4 days before we could sort this out properly. 2 days were spent in the company of others where we just skirted around pleasantries, then we had a day of stewing silently before wasting a couple of hours going around in circles with he said she said kind of stuff. I wanted him to see what his actions signified to me, he wanted me to view his actions as just a joke. I dug my heels in and stubbornly stood my ground. 

He finally said; ok this isn’t about one of us being right or wrong, this is about how my actions made you feel and I’m so sorry, I hate feeling any disconnection between us. 

Yes, that’s better, thank-you. Let’s do things differently.

My oh my how infidelity changes us, how a molehill can become a mountain in a simple moment.

Keep moving foreword,

Noni x

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