Sobering Figures

I recently stumbled across the Sexual Health Australia site while meandering down the research rabbit hole.

According to this organisation, Australia’s prevalence of extra-marital affairs is that a whopping 60% of men and 45% of women are willing to report that infidelity has occurred sometime in their marriage. They actually suggest that an accurate figure is more likely that 70% of all marriages will experience an affair.

We don’t need to look too far to see what this means.

Yep, that’s 7 out of 10 marriages in Australia...

According to VentureBeat, Ashley Madison—the Canadian online dating service and social networking service, a site marketed to people who are married or in relationships—added 5.5M new members globally to their site in 2020. This is an average of over 466,000 new sign-ups every month, and this occurred during a global pandemic!

I appreciate that monogamy might not be for everyone, an open relationship model is fine, providing a couple is in agreement. (N.B. When I say a couple I’m not talking about the ones who are having the affair)

If stepping outside of marriage vows is a consensual decision within the primary relationship then so be it, but how many AM subscribers do you think might have actually checked in with their spouses to see whether they’re on the same page as each other in this regard?

How many would have even considered engaging in any respectful conversation with their “for better or for worse” partner, BEFORE choosing to join?

You know—just as a common courtesy—to see if they’re on board with the idea.

It’s not rocket science, right? Seems to me like a decent thing to do when you’re in a committed relationship.

Wouldn’t they respectfully want their partner to have a say in the matter, to make it a shared decision? Withholding of this information subsequently denies the faithful spouse the right to make any choice based on what is best for themselves. It is controlling behaviour, preventing another person from voicing their concerns, thoughts or opinion and therefore falls into the category of abuse.

This is where the problem lies.

How many people contemplating an extramarital affair actually have the courage and maturity to openly confide in their loved ones about their innermost thoughts?

No one we’ve spoken to has. Dave didn’t, so how would it have been possible for us to avert the catastrophic fallout of discovery?

Could it be because the one looking for outside validation or pleasure, doesn’t want to acknowledge how this extramarital excitement might destroy their real deal? If they didn’t want their committed relationship to continue, why wouldn’t they just break it off before seeking the pleasure of an illicit affair? This would be far less painful than the gaslighting and lies needed to cover up an affair.

And if they truly saw nothing wrong with signing up for an affair, why keep it all hidden?

Seriously, it’s the deception that does my head in, and not far behind the deception comes the stories an unfaithful partner will use to justify their reasons for why they chose an affair, that list is absolutely endless…

Ashely Madison currently has over 70 Million subscribers; the way I see it is that unless the spouses of their members are fine with their significant others having an extramarital affair, then there is a solid chance that around 70 million people across the globe are being deceived and betrayed by people they love and trust.

That’s a lot of people on the receiving end of cheating and the consequences are astronomically debilitating. Ask any betrayed spouse or couple trying their darndest to heal after infidelity…

Ashley Madison also lists Australia as apparently being the fourth country in the world, after Brazil, the USA and Canada as having the largest number of members, heck they even list the towns with the most subscribers! 

I’m not judging anyone here but I find these numbers truly staggering and please hear me, I am talking about relationships that are exclusive, believing their intimate attachment to be completely monogamous.

I challenge anyone who says that having an affair improves their marriage, to actually go and ask their betrayed spouse if they feel the same.

Oh that’s right they probably don’t know about it, do they…

For everyone’s sake, please be brave, be honest and have a conversation.

Heal well my friends xxx

We are special and perfect just as we are, nothing that we did or didn’t do caused our partners to cheat. It wouldn’t have mattered if we had been prettier, skinnier, funnier, smarter, richer, taller or any other version of our best selves. Our partners’ choices were theirs alone, they had other options!

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