Some time ago I wrote The Moment of Impact quoting experiences of many betrayed partners around the world.
In my opinion, society, culture and media do a lousy job conveying the reality and intensity of trauma and suffering inflicted upon loved ones in the wake of intimate betrayal.
The consequences of infidelity, betrayal and addiction are far reaching, it’s not only the couple who suffer, there is a ripple effect extending to family and community, sadly the ones who are often overlooked and most impacted are the children.
No matter what age, no matter how much they know or don’t know, children feel the vibration/energy and sense the discord of secrets and lies used to cover up selfish choices of a betrayer not to mention the attempts by the betrayed to protect and shield the kids from harm.
After Daves full disclosure a few months ago I sat down to write an impact statement and wondered what on earth I could write that hadn’t already been said, I honestly thought that I’d pretty well covered everything—as I struggled to begin my letter it soon became apparent that there was a lot more to express. It was good, it was necessary and Dave needed to hear it.
Through our own recovery process Dave and I discussed the idea of inviting our 3 adult children to write their own impact letter. As fate would have it, I was speaking to our gorgeous Ruby (28yrs) this week who said “Oh I’m going to send you a song, when you listen to the lyrics you’ll know that I could have written it.” I had no idea what it was, she gave me no heads up and after we hung up I listened…
I spent time digesting the enormity of this emotionally charged, valid and justified song. It needs to be heard!
With Ruby’s permission I shared it with Dave forewarning him of how powerful the ballad is. He listened once he felt prepared, timing it with support from his mens group, knowing that they would hold a safe space for him as he processed another painful consequence of past choices.
Dave and I both wept as we listened—we encourage anyone who wishes to gain another perspective to click on the link.
It is only a minute or so long but OMG these few words cut right to the core. It was written by Sabrina Carpenter, a beautiful young lady in her early twenties who found out about her fathers infidelity. It is authentic, raw and powerful, I include it here with a word of caution—content and language warning.
It’s called Emails I Can’t Send
I salute this young lady for giving voice to her pain and validating the reality for millions of others, it’s a rough trek—keep walking into that healing space, you’re worth it.
Thank you Sabrina, Thankyou Ruby. 💔❤️🩹❤️
With love, Noni XXX